


Escape

by obixcxult



Category: Dan Howell - Fandom, Daniel Howell - Fandom, Daniel James Howell - Fandom, Phandom, Phil Lester - Fandom, Philip Lester - Fandom, Philip Michael Lester - Fandom, dan and phil
Genre: Gen, M/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:07:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27995763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obixcxult/pseuds/obixcxult
Summary: Trapped in a house of abuse. Trapped in a school of bullies. Two boys find a connection through the internet, this may be the escape they had been looking for
Relationships: Dan and Phil - Relationship, LGBTQ - Relationship, gay - Relationship





	1. Hello Internet

I pull my covers over my head to drown out the yelling. It's already 6:30am. My parents started their morning yelling routine an hour early. It doesn't help. I still hear everything. My dad shouts at my mother, blaming her for all the bad things in his life. Blaming her for giving birth to a disgrace of a son, that's me by the way. My dad hates me. I don't particularly know why, but ever since I was born, he was distant from me. He was closer to my older brother Spencer. Spencer got everything he wanted and if I wanted something, my dad we give me a hard "no" or just ignore me. My mom is the only person I talk to. I don't really talk to Spencer because Spencer is as much as a dick to me as my dad is. Speak of the devil. Spencer walks into my room.

"Get Out!" I say as he walks in.

Spencer ignores me and looks around my room until he sees what he wants. He grabs my wooden music box, the one my grandmother gave me before she passed away. I jump up from my bed.

"Give it back." I say.

"No." He says. "It's mine now."

"No it's not." I say.

I'm on the verge of tears now. That is the last thing I have to remember my grandmother by. She told me that it belonged to my mother and since I am close to my mom, the box helps feel not only close to my grandmother but my mom too. I reach to try and grab it from him but he swats me away.

"I'm the favorite. I'm 25 and you're 18. Oldest gets whatever they want."

"Spencer please. I take shit from you everyday but this is where I draw the line. You know how much that box means to me."

"Is little Daniel about to cry. Pathetic. Your entire existence is pathetic. You're an unwanted little shit who should have never been born." Spencer says.

Spencer drops the music box on purpose and it hits the floor and shatters. My heart falls along with the box. That was the only thing I had. He did it to hurt me. He looks at me and I must have given him the reaction he wanted cause he just laughed in my face. I fall to my knees, and pick up the broken pieces.

"Oops." Spencer says in a sarcastic tone.

I was on the verge of tears. I could feel them pooling up in my eyes. I blink rapidly to stop them but one tear falls and lands on my hardwood floor.

"You're such a fucking pussy Daniel." Spencer says, "Grow the fuck up. It's a fucking musical box. Those things are for girls, unless you're gay."

I had no response. My world had just been shattered. My only connection to my grandmother was cut. 

"I wish you weren't my brother. You're so fucking weak, it's pathetic." Spencer says.

Spencer kicks the broken music box piece under my bed and walks out of my room. I'm too frozen to move. I'm bawling my eyes out. I don't even notice when my parents walk in. My mom bends down to my level and wraps her arms around me. It feels nice to be in her warm embrace, all though I feel bad that I may have gotten some of my snot on her shirt.

"What's wrong boy?" My dad says.

I start to calm down and slow my crying to sniffles.

"Are you deaf? I had to stop what I was doing to come up to you and you're too daft to answer."

"Honey, please." My mom says.

"Don't 'honey please' me. This is why we should have never had him. Not only is he an ungrateful little shit, but the fool doesn't even have the decency to answer a question."

"Spencer broke my music box." I mumble.

"What?" My dad says, getting annoyed with me.

"Spencer broke my music box." I say a little louder.

"You're crying because Spencer broke something that's meant for girls? Fucking pathetic." My dad says, and leaves my room.

"It's ok sweetie." My mom says. "I may have another music box that my mother gave to me."

"Thanks mom." I say.

She ruffles my hair and plants a kiss on my cheek. Once she sees that I'm doing better she helps me to my feet and leaves my bedroom. She closes my door behind her and that's when I hear my laptop ping. I had just received an instant message. I go to my desk, pull out my chair and sit down. I move my mouse around to wake up the computer. I look at the notification, it was a message from a friend that I started talking 1 year ago, Phil. He was three years older than me and lived in a different part of town than I did. I type out my response:

danisnotonfire: Hi

amazingphil: How are you feeling?

It's like he was right here. He knew just what to say whenever I'm in a bad mood or I feel down, and let's face it, that's all the damn time because my home life sucks and my family all hates me, all except my mom.

danisnotonfire: My brother fucking broke my music box. The one my grandmother gave me before she died.

amazingphil: Aw no :( I'm so sorry Dan. I wish I could make it all better or be there physically.

danisnotonfire: I just want to fucking leave. I love my mom and I'll hate to leave her, but both my dad and my brother make it miserable as hell living here. The only good thing is talking to you Phil, cause you help me forget my problems.

amazingphil: What if that wish came true?

danisnotonfire: wdym?

amazingphil: I mean, I'm looking for an apartment and what if you and I became roommates?

danisnotonfire: srsly? I doubt my parents would let me room with a total stranger

amazingphil: imagine staying up playing video games and watching tv shows and anime. Also you'll never have to worry about your brother or father again.

danisnotfire: I love the idea. I'm not opposed to it, but will my parents go for it? I mean my dad may be a dick to me, but he always wants me under his thumb so he can verbally abuse me.

amazingphil: what if I came to your house and proposed the idea in person. Maybe if they got to know me, they would be able to trust you to stay with me

danisnotonfire: I'd still need to go to school, Phil. I'm not 21 and in college like you, I'm 18 and have to go to my hell called high school.

amazingphil: oh ;-;

danisnotonfire: at least it's my last year so that's good

amazingphil: I'm going to go bed Dan, I have an early morning exam tomorrow

danisnotonfire: gn Phil, and good luck :)

amazingphil: thxs :) gn Dan

I close my laptop and go to my closet to get ready for bed. I wear my favorite harry potter t-shirt that I got from our family trip to Disney with some plaid boxer shorts. I crawl into my bed and grab my phone and earbuds from the side table and open my YouTube app and watch videos until I eventually fall asleep.


	2. Hey Guys

My phone goes off 45 minutes before my first exam.

"Shit!" I mutter under my breath as I turn off the alarm.

I frantically look for something to wear. At this moment anything will do. I settle on a pair of black jeans, a white t shirt, and a yellow/black flannel. I rush to put my toast in the toaster and go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I throw on a black beanie because my thick black hair is a disaster and I don't have time to straighten it. I hear my toast pop up and rush to grab it. I put some light butter on my bread and put the bread in my mouth while I wear my black converse. I head back to my room and toss all my things into my backpack. I do one last quick check to make sure I'm not forgetting anything, then I grab my phone from my desk and leave my dorm room. The toast, in between my lips as I fumble for my keys to lock my dorm room door. I toss my keys into my backpack, zip it up, and swing my closed backpack onto my back. I put in my earbuds, pick a song, and slide my phone into the back pocket of my jeans. Finally I can use my hands to hold my toast as I finish my breakfast on the way to my class.

I arrive to my class just in time. I got lucky because the teacher was not here yet so the exam hadn't started and kids were still standing around the desks talking with their friends. I find a seat far in the back of the class room and slink down. I planned to avoid anyone that tried to talk to me or wanted to talk to me, but as luck would have it, that didn't happen.

"Thank god I'll be leaving your ass behind Lester." Someone calls out in my direction.

I don't look up. I learned not to engage. If I don't engage then they leave me alone. Well, most of the time. Today was not that day.

"You fucking deaf?" They say again and this time rip my earbuds from my ears.

"Leave me alone." I say, barely audible enough for myself to hear, let alone them.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you bitch." They say, slamming their hands onto my desk.

The sound startles me and I jump. How no one else flinches is beyond me, but I'm forced to look up. Kevin. It was Kevin who was calling my name. What did he want?

I took too long to answer. Kevin lifts me out of my chair and shoves me hard into the wall. I grab my shoulder in pain. Kevin bends down to pick up my dropped phone.

"Give that back" I say.

"Or what?" Kevin says, "What is little Lester going to do?"

I try to reach for it but he blocks my path as he continues scrolling through my unlocked phone.

"Dan?" Kevin says, "Who the hell is Dan. Like you could get any friends. Let's be real, it's probably some pedophile that wants to have their way with you."

"I have friends." I say. 

Why'd I say that. Why'd I give an answer. He wasn't worth it.

Kevin just laughs in my face and throws my phone in my direction. I bend down to retrieve it and Kevin leans close to me and I can feel his breath on my face.

"Let's get one thing straight Lester, people like you don't have friends. No one wants a kid whose father is an ex convict. You're just a worthless piece of trash who should have done the world a huge favor by just ending it." Kevin says.

The class hears the familiar sounds of the teacher's rolling backpack and everyone rushes to their desks. I pick myself off the floor and try not to cry. I couldn't wait to get out of this hell hole.

Our teacher passes out the exams and we start. I couldn't concentrate. I kept thinking about what Kevin said. No one wants a kid whose father is an ex convict. Worthless. Trash. End yourself. I know none of those are true. But maybe he was right. Who wants a kid of an ex con? Doesn't that make him an ex con in the making? What did Dan see in him? He was a worthless piece of trash. Maybe the world would be better off without him. I started to feel them coming. The tears started to form in the back of my eyes. I hadn't finished my exam yet, so I couldn't leave to use the bathroom. I try to concentrate. A tear drops onto my paper, smudging my handwriting. I blink really fast to stop any more from falling. I reach the last couple questions. After I finish, I pack my things into my backpack and bring the test up to the teacher's desk. Now I can go to the bathroom. Open the bathroom door and go the last stall and lock myself inside. I sit with my knees curled up into my chest and start to cry.

***

I hear other voices come in and I immediately stop crying. I hear them talking about how the test was hard and how they were finally done with school forever. I was about to come out when I hear Kevin's voice. I freeze. I hear him ask someone else about me. He was looking for me. I put my hand over my mouth to slow my breathing. I didn’t want them to know i was here. I hear each of the stall doors start to slam open. My heart is beating hard. He can't find me. I'm afraid of what he'll do to me. Kevin kicks open the last stall. I'm ready to dash out, but he blocks me.

"Not so fast Lester" Kevin says.

Kevin pushes me so I fall back and land on the ground. His two other friends grab my arms and hoist me up. Kevin begins to use me as his personal punching bag. I can feel my face start to swell and my left eye becoming puffy. I nearly choke on my own blood as Kevin continues to use me as target practice. After he gets one last punch in, his friends let go of me and I collapse onto the floor. I don't know what happened next because my vision started fading to black.

***

I woke up to bright lights flashing in my eyes. I look over and see a monitor and some needles in my arms.

"Oh good, you're awake" Says someone, who I presume could only be a nurse.

I groan and wince in pain. 

"Do you know who you are sir?"

"Ph-Ph-Ph-i-l. Phil." I say slowly.

"Well, Phil, how old are you?"

"21" I say slowly.

"And who are your parents?"

"I don't...I don't have any parents" I say.

The questions continue. The nurse asks me all the necessary question to complete her evaluation of me.

She touches my arm and tells me that I am cleared and will just need to get my things and the paper work and then I can leave. As soon as as her hand made contact with my skin, I got the flashbacks again. They come in waves and often times they aren't very cohesive. I'm me in these flashbacks but I'm a different version. I'm younger. I feel that same touch on my arm as I hear the words "You did perfect. You were perfect."

The nurse returns back into my room and her voice breaks me out of my flashback coma. She hands me my paper work and my clothes and backpack. Once she leave the room, I get changed and throw my backpack over my shoulders. I leave the hospital and take the bus back to my dorm. Once I arrive back at my dorm I head into my bedroom, drop my backpack on the floor, and collapse on my bed. It was only 7pm but I've had enough of today. At least I finished my last exam and I would never have to see anyone again. Never have to see Kevin again.

I put my phone to charge on my desk and curl up under my covers. I thought my day of crying was over, but I was wrong. I start to cry again under my sheets. I hate my life. I hate myself. I hate my dad. I hate Kevin. I hate my school. I hate my mom for leaving me. Well ok, I don't really hate her. I understand her choice. My dad treated her like complete shit. I guess she felt that the only way to be free of him was to kill herself. I guess she didn't consider me in that option. I miss her dearly. I hate foster care. I'm rarely there because I get to stay in a dorm on campus but after college if I don't find an apartment then I'll have to go back there and those kids are worse than Kevin. I had to think of something more positive, like getting to see Dan for the first time. We've only ever communicated online through a screen, but he has become one of, well, my only best friend.


	3. Phil Lester

I pull my covers off me and unlock my phone. Shit. It's already 7:10am. I slept through my alarm and missed my bus. My dad already left to go to work. My mom is out with her friends. My brother is the only person at home, but there was no way he would want to give me a lift to school. I guess I'm walking.

I shuffle my feet to the bathroom and get ready. I take the fastest shower, brush my teeth, and throw on a pair of black jeans with a black t-shirt. Lastly, I straighten my brown hair, because if I don't I look like a hobbit, and I could never leave my hobbit hair as is and go to school. I grab my phone and shove it in my back pocket of my jeans. I slip into my converse and head down my stairs. I exit my house and lock the door behind me. Walking to my high school wasn't that bad cause I live relatively close. As I approach the bricked building with the sign that says 'Westchester high: home of the fighting warriors' I start to develop a sinking feeling. I enter the building and head to my locker. I hear a hand slam against the locker next to mine.  
"You've got my money Howell" the voice says.  
I'm too slow to answer and I feel multiple hands grab me and spin me around, slamming my back against my locker.   
"Do you have it or not Howell" Chase repeats again.  
Chase doesn't even let me answer before he starts rummaging through my stuff.  
I can barely move cause Chase has his goons pressed up against me. He throws my backpack down towards my feet.  
"You're useless Howell. I expected my payment today." Chase says. "So you know what that means. It's time to make you hurt"  
"Please don't scare my mother again this time Chase." I say.   
Chase looks through my phone contacts. How he got my phone I don't know.   
"You are literally a loser Howell. You have no fucking friends besides some Phil guy you keep texting."  
My eyes goes wide. No. Not Phil. Anyone but him. He already knows Phil deals with his fair share of bullies. He couldn't let Chase hurt him too.  
"I think I'll hurt him next" Chase says with a grin.  
I squirm trying to break free.  
"Chase. Please. Not him" I say begging.   
"The more you beg me not to the more I want to just to see the look on your face Howell" Chase says.   
"Please Chase. You can do anything to me I'll take it. But please you just can't hurt him" I say about to break down in tears.   
"I don't negotiate with losers." Chase says.   
Chase drops my phone and him and his goons leave me. At least they don't know what Phil looks like or where he lives. I hear the bell ring and I rush to my first period class.  
I'm done with school and this is only my lunch break I still had the last half of school left and a whole month until I graduate. My phone buzzes.  
Phil Lester: I'm at your school  
I immediately start to panic and I look around for Chase. I respond to his text.  
Me: what are you doing here  
Phil Lester: I was lonely in my dorm and I just needed a friend to talk to  
Me: Phil you have to leave. Now. Chase wants to hurt—  
Before I could hit send Chase swipes my phone from me. He scrolls through the recent messages.  
"Where is he?" Chase grabs me by the collar of my shirt.   
I don't say a word.  
Chase scans the perimeter. I can't tell if he found Phil or not by given the fact that he drops me and my phone and walks off in the direction of the garbage disposals, I can only assume he has. I grab my things and start heading towards Phil. Chase looks at one of his friends and they grab Phil's arms so he can't defend himself. Chase forms a fist and it makes contact with Phil's face. I want to run and get in between my best friend and Chase but his other goon grabs me so I can't. Chase punches Phil again but this time in the stomach. I see Phil suddenly lose air upon impact. I let out a cry but no sounds come out. Chase turns to me and I guess my reaction satisfies him. He found a way to make me hurt. He keeps attacking Phil and I keep struggling and crying out. The goon holding Phil lets go but Phil is too weak to stay on his feet and collapses to the ground. Chase switches from punches to kicks. He kicks Phil in the stomach and I see the blood fly out of his mouth.  
"You're hurting him!" I scream.   
Chase turns to me and grabs my cheeks, "next time you will have my cash or your friend gets worse"  
His goon lets go of me and I go to meet Phil. I drop to my knees and say 'I'm so sorry Phil' over and over. Phil blacks out.  
I call my mom.   
I know she's out with friends but I need her. My brain didn't even register to call the emergency first. I needed my mom. She was going to get to meet my internet friend in the most unconventional way.  
I see my mom's car pull up. She leaves it running and runs over to me.  
My mom picks up Phil, no questions asked. She saw the look on my face. She motions me to follow her and we drive off to the hospital.  
The doctor comes in to the waiting room. He tells us Phil is awake and had a few broken ribs that will heal in time. They had stitched up the side of his face near his eyebrow. My mom thanks the doctor and turns to me. She was about to ask me who the kid was I know it. But I ran out of the waiting room and into Phil's room.   
I collapse onto Phil and hug him. Phil winces in pain.  
"Oops I'm sorry" I say and back off.  
"Daniel James Howell, you know I don't like being ignored. Who is the person we helped? My mother asks.  
I look at Phil, who looks at me. Were we really about to tell her we were internet friends. How would she even react.  
"I'm waiting for an answer Daniel, who is he?"   
"Mom. Don't be mad. Please."  
"Why would I be mad sweetheart?" She says.   
"Because Phil and I sort of, well, we met through the internet. His name is Phil, short for Philip, Lester" I say.  
"Daniel how many times have I told you not to talk to strangers on the internet."   
My mom wasn't mad at me. She just look disappointed. At first. Then her whole mood shifted.  
"You got lucky this time. Phil seems like a nice guy and he isn't a 42 year old pedophile"  
"He's 21 mom" I say.  
My mother ruffles my hair.  
"I've never seen you this happy darling." My mom says. "You and Phil have seemed to connect somehow through the internet. You both have a bond and I would be a cruel mother to deny you of what makes you happy. All I want is to see you smile"  
I hug my mom tightly around her waist.  
"Thank you for understanding." I say  
"Phil, do you have anywhere to go?"  
"Thanks for the offer Mrs. Howell but I really should get back to foster care."  
"Foster care?" My mom asks confused. "Don't you have a mom and dad?"  
"No ma'am. My dad is in prison and my mom killed herself" Phil says.  
"Oh, I'm incredibly sorry for your loss Phil" my mom says. "But my request wasn't optional. You are having dinner with us tonight"  
"What about Dad, mom?" I say.  
"Leave your father to me sweetie." She responds, "You just take care of your friend okay."


	4. Dinner Party

My mom leaves the room. She's probably going to find a nurse so she could fill out the paperwork to release Phil and take him home with us.  
"I'm so sorry" I say turning my attention to Phil.  
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault." Phil says.  
"It was. I didn't have the money—" I start to say but Phil cuts me off.  
"You had no way of knowing Chase would harm me. Stop being so hard on yourself Dan."  
"But" I start.  
"Dan politely shut up and stop trying to be so noble. This doesn't change anything. I don't hate you if that's what you're afraid of."  
My mom comes back into the room, she motions for us to leave. I help Phil out of his bed and onto his feet. Phil leans on me for support and we walk to my mom's car.  
"Why don't you take Phil upstairs to change." My mom says as we pull up onto our driveway.  
She unlocks the car and me and Phil head upstairs to my room. Phil sits on the edge of my bed and I rummage through my closet for something for him to wear.  
"Sorry about your clothes." I say and hand him a pair of black jeans and a white graphic tee.  
"Stop it Dan." Phil says.  
I look at him, confused. "What?"  
"Stop apologizing. Stop saying you're sorry" Phil says taking the clothes from me.  
I open my mouth about to speak  
"I swear to god Dan if the word 'sorry' leaves your mouth again, I'm keeping your entire video game collection."  
I let out a chuckle. How does he always manage to stay so calm and chipper.  
"The bathroom is down the hall and to your right" I say.  
Phil leaves. Leaving me alone in my room. I hear my father's voice downstairs. Great he's home. I walk downstairs and into the kitchen. My dad is in the living room with Spencer.  
"Who is over?"  
I hear my dad say.  
My mom tells him about Phil and what happened.  
"Daniel has friends?" Spencer scoffs.  
They don't even notice me in the kitchen. I see and hear my mom and dad arguing over Phil and if he can stay. I don't stay invisible for long. Spencer and I make eye contact. Fuck. My dad doesn't even bother acknowledging that Spencer is leaving right now. Spencer moves past me and heads upstairs. I follow him. He's planning something I know it. Phil is out of the bathroom and in my room. I get between my brother and Phil just in case.  
"You brought a killer into our house, what is wrong with you?" Spencer says.  
"What are you talking about?" I say.  
"His father is in jail for the murder and rape of several women."  
"So. Phil isn't his dad" I say  
"You hardly know him. What if mom is next. What if he's planning—"  
"Stop. Shut up. Just stop. Don't you fucking dare bring mom into this. And I actually do know him" I say.  
Spencer pushes past me and knocks me hard onto the floor. He grabs the collar of Phil's shirt.  
"What are you hiding" Spencer says  
Spencer's hands move to Phil's neck and he slowly starts to apply pressure. Phil's face starts turning blue.  
"Spencer stop! You're killing him!"  
I want to move to help my friend. But my body is completely paralyzed.  
"Admit it. Admit the secret" Spencer says.  
"I protected him." Phil says straining his voice.  
Spencer's grip loosens has he releases the hold around Phil's neck.  
"What was that?" Spencer asks again.  
"My mom didn't kill herself. I lied." Phil says chocking back tears.  
Spencer turns to me, "see. He was protecting him. He's working with his father. I want him gone. Now"  
Spencer leaves my room.  
Phil is the corner, knees tucked to his chest crying. I go over to my friend and sit by him.  
"I wasn't protecting him Dan. I'm not working with my father. You believe me, right?"  
I didn't know what to do. Phil had completely broken down in tears. He was better at this stuff than him. How could he cheer his friend up. It hurt seeing him like this.  
"I believe you Phil."  
That was the only thing he could think of to say.  
"My father. He killed her just before the cops came. He swore me to secrecy. He said if I ever told anyone, I'd get a worse fate than my mother. I was 10. I was so scared that I lied. I lied for him and soon enough my lie became the truth"  
I wrap my arms around my friend.  
"I'll leave. I'm sorry Dan. I shouldn't have come." Phil says.  
"Don't go" I say.  
Phil gets up and sprints out the door. I run after him.  
"Phil!" I call out into the night.  
"Go away Dan!" Phil says.  
"I'm not letting you walk out on me. We're friends. We will get through this together" I say.  
Phil stops and turns around.  
"I just keep hurting you. I can't. I can't anymore. You're better off without me Dan."  
"Not true. You've made my life bearable. There are days I feel like shit but then I talk to you and I feel better." I say.  
"Why won't you let me say goodbye Dan? Why are you so fucking stubborn"  
"You're stuck with me." I say.  
I see a car speed down the street. A guy leans out the window and pulls out a gun.  
"Phil!" I rush to move him out of the way.  
I hear the gun go off.  
"No no no"  
"Dan!" Phil cries. "Stay with me Dan. You're going to be okay. You can't die on me, not today."  
Phil applies pressure to the bullet wound on my shoulder. He dials 9-1-1 with his other hand.  
I feel my breathing start to slow. My eyes feel heavy.  
"Stay with me Dan" I hear him say.  
"Dan...dan....dan"  
Each time he calls my name it gets softer like it's more distant.   
My eyes shut and I see black.


	5. All My Fault

*TRIGGER WARNING. CONTENTS IN THIS STORY DEAL WITH SUICIDE*

***

fuck.

fuck. fuck. fuck. this is all my fault. 

I pace back and forth in the waiting room. The doctors took Dan away and I had to stay back with his mom.

She probably hates me now. I got her son hurt. Why am I such a fuck up. This is all my fault.

"Phil..." I hear in the background.

"Phil." The voice says again.

I snap out of my self destructive spiral and face her.

"Phil this isn't your fault. I'm not blaming you." Dan's mom tells me.

"How can you say that? That person was there to....he tried to kill....but Dan got in the way. Dan is in that room because of me....I put my best friend in the hospital....I...." I couldn't speak anymore and completely broke down into tears.

Dan's mom pulls me into a hug. It's been years since have felt an embrace like this before. I felt bad for ruining her clothes with my tears.

"Phil don't think for one second that I blame you. This was not your fault. You are not responsible."

....

"Where is he?!" Someone shouts.

"Where the fuck is that murderer's son!"

"oh no." Dan's mother says. "I'll handle him"

Dan's mother goes to meet her husband. Eyes stare at her as she approaches him.

"Where the fuck is he!"

"Sweetheart please, you're causing a scene" Dan mom says, trying to calm him down.

He pushes past her and heads into the waiting room when he sees Phil through the window.

"You stay the hell away from my family!" He yells in Phil's face.

"I'm sorry." Phil says, he's voice breaking and his body trembling in fear.

"You're 'sorry'." He scoffs in his face, "You probably get off on this sort of thing like your father. You disgusting psychopath. I wouldn't be surprised if you planned the whole thing out and that guy was one of your buddies."

"I swear sir, I would never hurt Dan...Dan is my...Dan is my best friend." Phil says, his voice still shaking.

"Sons of murderers don't have friends. Leave and never come back. I don't want you anywhere near my son. So help me god I will kill you myself, understood. Stay the fuck away from us you murderer!"

I don't even let him finish before I'm already rushing out the waiting room doors. Tears already start to form in my eyes as I make my way towards the exit. I push the hospital doors open and sit with my back against the brick building and cry.

I hate her. I hate him. How could she do that. She just left him...alone. How could she just leave him. How could you mom? How could you leave me here. I hate it here. I hate it. It's miserable without you. You left me here with him. You left me the only child of an abuser and murderer.

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand. I know I shouldn't hate her. Dad used to abuse her and she felt like she had no other choice. He just misses her. He hates the looks everyone gives him or how people treat him.

Maybe you had a point mom. Maybe I could join you. We'd finally be together.

"Phil sweetie, come inside. You'll catch a cold out here"

Mrs. Howell was too nice. How could she forgive him. It was all his fault. Dan's dad had a point. Dan would be better off without him. He'd be safe.

Phil goes in to meet Dan's mother.

"I'm so sorry about him Phil" she tells him.

"It's ok Mrs. Howell. I'm going to fix all this. Everything will go back to normal. Just could you do me one favor?" I ask.

"Phil what's going on? Why are you talking like this?"

"Promise me that Dan will live a happy life and when I leave please don't let him mourn me. Or try to find me. Ok?" I say.

"Phil?" She says.

"Phil?" She calls again.

I block her out. I need to do this. I make sure no one sees me before I swipe a pill bottle off the nurses tray. I can hear Dan's mom still calling my name. I head into the bathroom and lock the stall door behind me.

I'm coming mom. I'll be there soon.

I open the pill bottle. "I'm sorry Dan. You don't deserve someone like me..." I blink back tears and pour a handful of pills into my sweaty palms. I dump them down my throat. I hear the door burst open. Dan's mom opens my stall door and finds me on the floor with an empty pill bottle. She tries to get me to spit up the pills and I fight her with the very little strength I have. I feel my body start to shut down. Everything becomes quiet and the room gets darker. My eyelids close.

Finally.

I hear beeping. I squint a little. I'm not dead. They were able to save me. I'm in a hospital bed with fluids and tubes going into me. I can't do anything right. I can't even kill myself properly. I should have locked the door.

"Phil what's wrong?"

I don't answer. I ignore her question.

"Phil please don't blame yourself for any of this. You are not your father. You are a good person and you have a good heart." She says.

He wanted to believe that. But something her husband said just stuck with him. 

He was a murderer. People around him always end up dying. First his mom, then one of his first ever friends he met in the orphanage he lives at. She died in a bathtub full of her own blood. He was a magnet for death. If he didn't exist maybe people would stop dying.

Phil turns away from her and pretends to sleep. He didn't want to talk anymore. She whispers something to him and he hears her leave the room. He then proceeded to cry himself to sleep.

Phil wakes up to the doctors changing his fluids. He sees Dan walk in the room as the last doctor leaves.

"What are you going walking around" I say.

"My mom told me what happened. And I knew I had to sneak away to see you" he says.

"I'm so sorry Dan"

"For what? Phil, none of this was your fault. And my dad is an absolute ass hole. Don't believe him please."

"I'm fucked up. I'm dangerous. Everyone around me gets hurt."

"Phil, I'm fine." Dan touches my hand.

I pull away. I don't need his sympathy. I don't want it. Doesn't he see he's life would be better without him.

"Stop it Dan"

"Stop what?" Dan says confused,

"Stop saying it's ok. Stop trying to make me feel better."

"My life has gotten better with you in it Phil"

I roll my eyes. I refuse to believe him. He's just trying to make me feel better.

"Before I met you online, I was in a very dark place. I was getting abused mentally and sometimes physically by my older brother and father. All I had was my mom. Until she started working late nights. That left me alone with my dad and brother. I seriously considered ending my cycle of abuse and torture. I wanted the world to stop. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted everything to stop. Then I met you online. And for the first time in what seemed like years, you made me smile and laugh. I felt genuine happiness. You were my escape from reality."

I don't say anything. I can't say anything. This was the first time he'd every really gone into deeper detail about his dad and brother.

"So don't you dare say my life would have been better without you Philip fucking Lester. Because the truth is I would dead by now if you hadn't been in my life."

I'm crying again. But this time it's happy tears, I promise. Dan leans over to hug me. I let him. 

"I should probably get back." Dan says and straighten up.

"There's probably already a witch hunt for you." I say and start to laugh.

"My mom is no doubt the leader of that witch hunt." Dan says laughing too.

Dan leaves moments later and it's just me, alone in my room. What Dan said hit me. He didn't know he'd have that big of an impact on him. Maybe he wasn't all that bad. Dan needed him as much as he needed Dan. The self destructive thoughts were still there but less now. He was starting to believe in their friendship again. Maybe everything wasn't all his fault.


End file.
